my blog when i was still in pangasinan:

Time seems to flow very fast since the last time we met. I reckon that night before we parted. She looks dazzling and even more astounding. Back then, it never fails to make my heart beat. Though I said I will forget my feelings for her, I still can’t stop my emotions from being overjoyed every time I think of the moments I’m with her. It’s already a week since we had a vacation. It may seem a temporary vacation for me but it is not. I am not going to see her for the class because our review schools are different. Right now, it is my second day at our province. I call it ‘a time to reflect’. It is a time that I should say as a moment of pausing since it will require a great force of energy to master the fundamentals of accounting. Next year, I would need a lot of concentration because the board exam is nearly approaching. I would also try to resolve my problems of the heart. It seems to me that it is such a powerful force that drains most of my energies. It also affects much of my willingness and it hinders me from achieving what I want if I am very much disappointed with matters of the heart. And for that I have decided to close the chapter that tackles my loving desire for that girl for awhile. Should it require me to take up a closing journal entry? I might since I am an accountancy major. I have decided that it should also be a good thing to make a reversing journal entry once I have passed the CPA Board Exams… Ain’t that cute?! It may seem to fall again on the conversation of the heart … gesh! I’ve decided to change the topic because I don’t want to feel the heartache again and again!

As i have just said, it's been my second day here at Pangasinan. WHat have i done lately? Well, we went to the beach yesterday. A little stroll and i found out that there are some changes both good and bad on our beach resort. THe good part is that they have already started to build a large cottage that would serve as our sanctuary once we have a family reunion which happens every April. But unfortunately, the cottage remained unfinished. I have also noticed that there seems to be a big puddle of salt water lying just near the shore. My cousin said that it was caused by a storm which occured sometime in July. Then, after a few walks we settled in one of the kawayan cottages. It seems to me that i havent been over with my terrible vices. I even drank a beer last night. Although i feel good just watching the sun go down, i feel at my worst thinking of the girl that i should have right now. I always thought that we are for each other since we enjoy each other's company but i know that she doesn't feel the kind of affection im feeling for her. Its such a shame that i dont have her to experience this spectacular event. During my stay here, i have been reading a novel by Robert Waller, which is entitled "The Bridges of Madison County". Robert, the character in the book, is a photographer and is adoring the beauty of the sunset. He says that most people just walk away after seeing the sun from setting. They do not know the aftermath of it. I looked at the sky and saw a beautiful mixture of colors that was painted in the sky. The light is said to be bouncing back from the sky. I saw what Robert was trying to say in the novel. It was really adorable. It was more than magnificent but an enchanting moment for me. As dawn quickly arrived we returned back home and waited for supper to be served. I read again the novel and was enticed by the romance. The story of Robert and Francesca was really mesmerizing. It fathoms not the usual teenybopper love story but a magical romantic novel. I begin to wonder how the powerful magic of love as it plays when destiny arrives. I was used in believing that there were no such things as destiny and even in soulmate. But i thought of the chances that we are given. Love comes suddenly that u never really imagine that this person would capture your heart. and u become a bit amazed that u feel a weird sensation in our heart. You feel that she completes you totally and it seems that eternity is what you feel when youre with her. Like in the novel, they only have four days of togetherness but it was a lifetime according to them. i have felt that too but only to myself since i kept it. I know she feels something too (somehow) but she's trying to hold it back and repress the feeling since it would be awkward to be in love with a friend. Or maybe im not that perfect for her (sob...). I konw she'll one day realize that she cant find her mr perfect and she will someday realize the person that she loves is the person that makes her laugh and somebody she wants to be with most of the time feeling the comfort. But i hope that time will occur is when the time i still feel something for her. but come to think of it, if you really love a person then there is the saying that 'love is patient and kind'. i know ill wait for her even though i think i wont. subconciously, i know i will still lover her as time rolls by.

---case closed!---

[ part 2 of pangasinan blogs coming up... ]