I've seen how friendships, relationships crumble. It is disheartening to see the pain suffered and carried out without any resolution. It felt good being an ambassador to my friends to let them at least talk about it, lessen the pain and open the door and move on. On the same note, I cannot understand how a person can be unforgiving, relentless and can abandon you - just like that. It pains me to see how everything is thrown away. I believe that if you let it pass for more than 24 hours and you have said your amends. The apologies will evaporate in the air, cease and never will be spoken again. Or at least would never be forgotten. A stain that will not be easily erased. For what its worth — means is nothing and absurdity is what I call it.
Saturday, May 19, 2012
Rebuilding ME
The last time I blogged was when I got released from the hospital on Good Friday. It has been almost two months since then.
Last month was the climax of the whole health-ordeal! Takes big courage and struggle for me to finally cross the fragile bridge and finally breathe again. I am thanking all my Sydney friends who have helped me as I regain my strength and literally assisting me when I take my first small steps to recovery. Worth-mentioning are my friends Aiza, Sam and most especially Roi. They have sacrificed a lot for me and for that I am eternally indebted with their kindness.
The surgery went well of course. I was sedated still but I remember clearly how I acted weird around my friends. One thing that I recall is that I was happy to see friends who stayed by my side when I needed them most. After the surgery, I felt so fragile. I saw that there were so many tubes attached on my body. I felt lucky having them. I am at peace.
Few days after, another thunder came about. Minor complications that will lead to additional 2 weeks stay in the hospital. I had a wound breakdown and they had to re-open the stitches. It was the worst pain ever, as I do not have any anesthesia or pain relievers to ease the pain. Further to that, I had another wave of abscess that needed another drainage. Luckily it was not related to the colon resection and it was just a minor post-op surgery complications.
I began my days in the hospital very routinely. Taking a bath, watching Today's and hoping to win the cash-give-away's, writing in my journal, watching Ellen, reading Chuck Palahniuk's The Haunted and Damned, ward walking fashioning my bloody drains and my VAC machine, and a lot of things I won't bore you so much. Doing it for the first few days is fine but on the 15th day after post-op is just too much. I always look outside my window and see people enjoying the sun, sitting in the park - reading a book or having a picnic with mates. I envy them.
I was discharged on 20th day and I was really happy to see the outside world again. The transition was a bit hard, especially as I was carrying a small VAC machine (which is the optimal weight after a surgery that I can carry). The most obvious change is the assistance of the nurses. It felt different and hard for me to cope but I made it through. Roi and Sam would help me in things that require physical strength, like doing my groceries, laundry, or changing sheets.
As I am writing this, two weeks have passed [since discharge] and I am again bored. I talked with my boss and the good thing is that I will be back to my work on Monday. Half-day's for one week as advised by my doctor. Hopefully I can make it through just right.
Last month was the climax of the whole health-ordeal! Takes big courage and struggle for me to finally cross the fragile bridge and finally breathe again. I am thanking all my Sydney friends who have helped me as I regain my strength and literally assisting me when I take my first small steps to recovery. Worth-mentioning are my friends Aiza, Sam and most especially Roi. They have sacrificed a lot for me and for that I am eternally indebted with their kindness.
The surgery went well of course. I was sedated still but I remember clearly how I acted weird around my friends. One thing that I recall is that I was happy to see friends who stayed by my side when I needed them most. After the surgery, I felt so fragile. I saw that there were so many tubes attached on my body. I felt lucky having them. I am at peace.
Few days after, another thunder came about. Minor complications that will lead to additional 2 weeks stay in the hospital. I had a wound breakdown and they had to re-open the stitches. It was the worst pain ever, as I do not have any anesthesia or pain relievers to ease the pain. Further to that, I had another wave of abscess that needed another drainage. Luckily it was not related to the colon resection and it was just a minor post-op surgery complications.
I began my days in the hospital very routinely. Taking a bath, watching Today's and hoping to win the cash-give-away's, writing in my journal, watching Ellen, reading Chuck Palahniuk's The Haunted and Damned, ward walking fashioning my bloody drains and my VAC machine, and a lot of things I won't bore you so much. Doing it for the first few days is fine but on the 15th day after post-op is just too much. I always look outside my window and see people enjoying the sun, sitting in the park - reading a book or having a picnic with mates. I envy them.
I was discharged on 20th day and I was really happy to see the outside world again. The transition was a bit hard, especially as I was carrying a small VAC machine (which is the optimal weight after a surgery that I can carry). The most obvious change is the assistance of the nurses. It felt different and hard for me to cope but I made it through. Roi and Sam would help me in things that require physical strength, like doing my groceries, laundry, or changing sheets.
As I am writing this, two weeks have passed [since discharge] and I am again bored. I talked with my boss and the good thing is that I will be back to my work on Monday. Half-day's for one week as advised by my doctor. Hopefully I can make it through just right.
Friday, April 6, 2012
The Goodness of Good Friday
Good Friday is a holy solemn day that for us Catholics, we commemorate how our Lord Jesus sacrificed His life for our redemption.
I remember how during this day, few years back.. my prayers to Him were answered. My dad miraculously survived and was transferred from ICU.
Now, the doctor told me that all seems to be well now with my recovery and soon enough drainage in my tummy will be removed and I can be discharged. Moreso, the colonoscopy done yesterday returned with good results that they didn't find any traces of polyps, colitis or signs of cancer.
The Lord is good. He provides when we are in need.
I remember how during this day, few years back.. my prayers to Him were answered. My dad miraculously survived and was transferred from ICU.
Now, the doctor told me that all seems to be well now with my recovery and soon enough drainage in my tummy will be removed and I can be discharged. Moreso, the colonoscopy done yesterday returned with good results that they didn't find any traces of polyps, colitis or signs of cancer.
The Lord is good. He provides when we are in need.
Thursday, April 5, 2012
third time strike!
And another heavier drama came about after my third flare up. This attack triggered my doctor to finally decide on open surgery. I am scheduled for colonscopy in a few hours. I don't know what to expect. I cannot say that I don't feel terrified. Yesterday, I've drank the mean lemon soda that sent me to the loo for literally like 20 times.
Colonoscopy would define how my surgery would be carried out. It's like a site surveying.. Anyway, this experience has thought me a lot of things. Reflecting on how i'd live my life and how I should value health amongst all. As what they say you can juggle health, work, family and friends but remember all else are rubber except for health which is made of glass. Once you drop it, it would never be the same again...
Colonoscopy would define how my surgery would be carried out. It's like a site surveying.. Anyway, this experience has thought me a lot of things. Reflecting on how i'd live my life and how I should value health amongst all. As what they say you can juggle health, work, family and friends but remember all else are rubber except for health which is made of glass. Once you drop it, it would never be the same again...
Thursday, February 16, 2012
And so I began my small steps...
After a heavy drama, a cautious pace is what I need. Too afraid to falter and fall. There have been a lot of negative factors everyday. I get by slowly.
I realised that real friends always stay by your side on deepest, painful moments. They come freely to help you and that's the wealth that I have come to appreciate. Not my savings. Not my luxury goods. But quality friends who will be there by your side, in times of affliction.
God is kind and He always provides. I am not devout in religion however I believe and I have faith. Enough faith to conquer doubts, uncertainties and desperation.
Work-wise, I am happy that they support me as I take these small baby steps to full recovery. Though it may not be an ideal work load but still they are understanding enough to realise that health always comes first.
I realised that real friends always stay by your side on deepest, painful moments. They come freely to help you and that's the wealth that I have come to appreciate. Not my savings. Not my luxury goods. But quality friends who will be there by your side, in times of affliction.
God is kind and He always provides. I am not devout in religion however I believe and I have faith. Enough faith to conquer doubts, uncertainties and desperation.
If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, Move from here to there and it will move. Nothing is impossible for you. Matthew 17:20
Everything is possible for him who believes. Mark 9:23
Work-wise, I am happy that they support me as I take these small baby steps to full recovery. Though it may not be an ideal work load but still they are understanding enough to realise that health always comes first.
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Eliminating Stress Marks
Per my photo below, it is evident how stressed I have become for the past weeks. Ultimately this last few days as I cram through my exam review. On top of that I will be leaving for Manila tomorrow.
I just hope this patch gel really works to eliminate my stress mark!
I just hope this patch gel really works to eliminate my stress mark!
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Fix me
The house is so quiet. It's raining once again. I've never felt this sad. I don't know what's bothering me. Maybe my upcoming exams. Or maybe the stress at work. I couldn't even feel that in matter of days, I will be flying off to my home.
Excitement will commence once I finish my work tomorrow. That is certain! I am not frightened with this module, maybe because its different. All other modules have strict standard, laws and regulation whilst MAA is purely on how you analyse the business and using your judgement to get the most out of a given situation.
If only I can apply all these decision-making tools into my life. If only I have the decision-making at work. All constraints are pulling me down into deep sadness. If only I can fix me.
Oh well, this will soon be finished. And I will enjoy my well-deserved holiday! Christmas with my family is the only anticipation that will reverse the misery out of me.
Excitement will commence once I finish my work tomorrow. That is certain! I am not frightened with this module, maybe because its different. All other modules have strict standard, laws and regulation whilst MAA is purely on how you analyse the business and using your judgement to get the most out of a given situation.
If only I can apply all these decision-making tools into my life. If only I have the decision-making at work. All constraints are pulling me down into deep sadness. If only I can fix me.
Oh well, this will soon be finished. And I will enjoy my well-deserved holiday! Christmas with my family is the only anticipation that will reverse the misery out of me.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)