reward day - birthday leave

i picked this day as my reward day and it was such a nice feeling waking up with no stress at all! i woke up with the heavy feeling of sickness. is it because i just turned 25. i also dreamt a very bizzaire dream that it was snowing heavily and i can't get to my apartment (which looks weirdly unsimilar). i pushed myself in despite the snow blocking every where so i have to shovel it with my hands. people are lined up to budge in as well. the funny thing is i saw a lot of my high school friends and they were helping me go to the next level by jumping from one floor to another. this is because the lifts are not working (due to the blizzard). I was speaking to another person (again its weird because i can't remember the face) asking about career stuff but decided not to. its a dream that i totally can't put the pieces together and interpret. as i said, i woke up feeling sick and puzzled.

anyway, at this exact moment i was born. can't help but think about 25 years... how did i spend my life? one setback of living alone is that there's no one you can talk to in times like this. so i cant really help but feel sentimental. i just hope i wont lose my sanity. 25 years is a lot. i mean i am already existing quarter of a century. what good have i done in this world? maybe the mission is yet to come!