Looking for God's kind-purpose in me

Few days remaining until I finally say goodbye to Taste. Working with the TH group definitely taught me a thing or two.

I heard mass awhile ago and I learnt a lot that I can takeaway to this blindfolded journey. Gist is that we often go with our busy lives until something finally hit us that we would let go of almost everything and look for God's kind-purpose in each of us. It takes courage to enter into unchartered world not knowing how welcoming some people may be. It will be a challenge to take up the cross and follow where the wind is blowing. Or where our feet will lead us.

A moment of pause and reflection is what I need. There comes a point in each of us where we have to think about how we spent our lives and how we should continue bearing in mind God's purpose for us. And that is what I will be embarking on soon.

crossroads

there will always be a time that you have to decide whats best for you. a thought that needs more than hundred times to think about. i am still contemplating if its the best decision. then my decision tree branches out into several more options..

dark clouds roll by and makes it difficult to decide. now im having headaches and i think i just have to sleep this one through.

a clearer mind the next few days and hoping a sign or two will appear. i cant be making hast conclusions now. i hope i can make this through..

goodbye pyrmont

Another milestone for 2012 as i left Pyrmont - a place i have lived more than two years.

As I go back to the old familiar road, Eastwood. I can't help but look through days ahead. Just a matter of time passing and i'd begin a new life. Embarking towards uncertainty. Gets scary but exciting nonetheless.

As for my postop condition, I am 80-85% better. It was tested and stretched to its limits yesterday as I battle with the uber slow removalists. I end up carrying most of 'em and still paying $300 with work unfinished. Credits to Roi and Sam for helping me through all this.

Going back, I think that to make 100% recovery I need my family to take care of me. Hence, my decision to flyoff in few weeks time. And for once I don't think about work and its consequences. one thing I've learnt from this ordeal is to prioritise health among others. Work comes last..

the painful poison of unforgiveness

I've seen how friendships, relationships crumble. It is disheartening to see the pain suffered and carried out without any resolution. It felt good being an ambassador to my friends to let them at least talk about it, lessen the pain and open the door and move on. On the same note, I cannot understand how a person can be unforgiving, relentless and can abandon you - just like that. It pains me to see how everything is thrown away. I believe that if you let it pass for more than 24 hours and you have said your amends. The apologies will evaporate in the air, cease and never will be spoken again. Or at least would never be forgotten. A stain that will not be easily erased. For what its worth — means is nothing and absurdity is what I call it.

Rebuilding ME

The last time I blogged was when I got released from the hospital on Good Friday. It has been almost two months since then.

Last month was the climax of the whole health-ordeal! Takes big courage and struggle for me to finally cross the fragile bridge and finally breathe again. I am thanking all my Sydney friends who have helped me as I regain my strength and literally assisting me when I take my first small steps to recovery. Worth-mentioning are my friends Aiza, Sam and most especially Roi. They have sacrificed a lot for me and for that I am eternally indebted with their kindness.

The surgery went well of course. I was sedated still but I remember clearly how I acted weird around my friends. One thing that I recall is that I was happy to see friends who stayed by my side when I needed them most. After the surgery, I felt so fragile. I saw that there were so many tubes attached on my body. I felt lucky having them. I am at peace.

Few days after, another thunder came about. Minor complications that will lead to additional 2 weeks stay in the hospital. I had a wound breakdown and they had to re-open the stitches. It was the worst pain ever, as I do not have any anesthesia or pain relievers to ease the pain. Further to that, I had another wave of abscess that needed another drainage. Luckily it was not related to the colon resection and it was just a minor post-op surgery complications.

I began my days in the hospital very routinely. Taking a bath, watching Today's and hoping to win the cash-give-away's, writing in my journal, watching Ellen, reading Chuck Palahniuk's The Haunted and Damned, ward walking fashioning my bloody drains and my VAC machine, and a lot of things I won't bore you so much. Doing it for the first few days is fine but on the 15th day after post-op is just too much. I always look outside my window and see people enjoying the sun, sitting in the park - reading a book or having a picnic with mates. I envy them.

I was discharged on 20th day and I was really happy to see the outside world again. The transition was a bit hard, especially as I was carrying a small VAC machine (which is the optimal weight after a surgery that I can carry). The most obvious change is the assistance of the nurses. It felt different and hard for me to cope but I made it through. Roi and Sam would help me in things that require physical strength, like doing my groceries, laundry, or changing sheets.

As I am writing this, two weeks have passed [since discharge] and I am again bored. I talked with my boss and the good thing is that I will be back to my work on Monday. Half-day's for one week as advised by my doctor. Hopefully I can make it through just right.

The Goodness of Good Friday

Good Friday is a holy solemn day that for us Catholics, we commemorate how our Lord Jesus sacrificed His life for our redemption.

I remember how during this day, few years back.. my prayers to Him were answered. My dad miraculously survived and was transferred from ICU.

Now, the doctor told me that all seems to be well now with my recovery and soon enough drainage in my tummy will be removed and I can be discharged. Moreso, the colonoscopy done yesterday returned with good results that they didn't find any traces of polyps, colitis or signs of cancer.

The Lord is good. He provides when we are in need.

third time strike!

And another heavier drama came about after my third flare up. This attack triggered my doctor to finally decide on open surgery. I am scheduled for colonscopy in a few hours. I don't know what to expect. I cannot say that I don't feel terrified. Yesterday, I've drank the mean lemon soda that sent me to the loo for literally like 20 times.

Colonoscopy would define how my surgery would be carried out. It's like a site surveying.. Anyway, this experience has thought me a lot of things. Reflecting on how i'd live my life and how I should value health amongst all. As what they say you can juggle health, work, family and friends but remember all else are rubber except for health which is made of glass. Once you drop it, it would never be the same again...